The term ‘forgive’ derives from ‘give’ or to ‘grant’, as in ‘to give up,’ or ‘cease to harbor (resentment, wrath).’ More specifically, ‘forgive’ refers to the act of giving up a feeling, such as resentment, or a claim to requital or compensation. And the term ‘forgiveness’ is defined as the action of forgiving, pardoning of a fault, remission of a debt, and similar responses to injury, wrongdoing, or obligation.
In granting forgiveness, a victim of wrong re-orients a relationship that has been disrupted or compromised by wrongdoing. This theme is an integral part of forgiveness common both to western philosophical and theological traditions, and is often envisioned as part of a more elaborate interaction in which people seek to atone for wrongs and secure forgiveness in the name of interpersonal reconciliation or in the pursuit of the ultimate human benefit, divine salvation.
Maintaining or perpetuating personal relationships is one of the clearest and most important ends of forgiveness, though not the only important one. Forgiving those who wrong us often helps us move beyond strong negative emotions which, if allowed to fester, could harm us psychologically and physically. Forgiveness benefits wrongdoers, as well, by releasing them from the blame and hard feelings often directed toward them by those they wrong, or helping them transcend the guilt or remorse they suffer from having done wrong, thereby allowing them to move forward in their lives.
I still struggle with what I think about forgiveness. It's a Christian concept and isn't done well by most people. I've been able to get over injustices and offenses done to me but am not sure if I've forgiven. As I said, I struggle with this.
ReplyDeleteI find it easy to forgive.
ReplyDeleteI have recently done this with someone who I thought was a friend but then said very hurtful things.
She begged me to forgive her, and I told her I had; but I can't forget the things she said, or the way she said them.
Forgiveness, I can do; forgetting, well, I'm not so sure.
I can forgive, but have a hard time forgetting. Also, Christians didn't invent forgiveness -- I don't know where Joy got that from.
ReplyDeleteForgiving and forgetting.
ReplyDeleteThe two qualities that define a truly godlike human mind.
(Never mind the fraudulent ideas of xtianity about a jealous, punishing god.)
What a nice blog.
May I blogroll you?
S
For me, forgiveness means acknowledging yet moving past a transgression. This is not done lightly, and usually involves a lot of contemplation. The closer and more important the person is to us, the more contemplation that must occur.
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Forgiving I can do. But forgetting, I can't... no matter how much contemplation occurs.
ReplyDeleteI have such a hard time forging myself.
ReplyDeleteOne of the things I love about Japanese kanji calligraphy is that, when the topic is emotional, the characters form a face. This kanji symbol for forgiveness looks friendly, benign, even kindly--but, somehow, not gleeful or playful.
ReplyDeleteOur brains aren't built for forgetting a harm or hurt done us, but we can forgive when we reframe the situation by understanding more about it...contemplation, as you say...shifting our point of view and our understanding of the transgressor. We don't have to feel guilty about not being able to forget. Maybe forgiving ourselves means accepting that we are not necessarily psychologically or characterologically superior to others; if we can understand how someone else could make the mistake of harming or hurting us, maybe we can understand how we make that mistake ourselves. Now, that's post-doc contemplation!